I can’t seem to win. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot win. I go through the same routine every weekend, where I decide that Monday I am back on the bandwagon. I am gonna start eating right and exercising daily. And because I am going to do that, I might as well live up my last weekend, because from here on out, it’s nothing but hard work and getting fit. So go ahead, gorge yourself to tears on everything you can find, because Monday morning is coming quick, boy-oh!!
Yep. I’ve been saying that for the last 312 weekends. It sure seems to be working. Just look at me, 200 pounds of skin and bone, barely held down by gravity’s pull. I’m a sad sight. I used to think I was a skinny guy who is a little overweight. Now I’m realizing I’m just a porker who dreams of being skinny!
Anyway, last weekend I was done. I was ready to give up food and move on. Monday was coming and I was ready for change. I roll into work Monday, ready to take on the world, prepared with a variety of healthy snacks and a lunch, all calorie counted out and ready to go. Things were going fine until…
A guy 3 cubicles down from me, in another group, comes up and says, “Hey, there’s some Costco muffins™ here if you want.” This guy, who’s name shall remain a secret, which happens to be the same name as arguably one of the best soccer players of all time, had just said the wrong thing.
Costco muffins™? Free? Huh?? Bulge 1, Me 0.
So I lost that battle. Something to the tune of 1 chocolate chocolate chip, and 2 maple nut. No biggie, I’ll just pretend that it was Sunday, and that tomorrow really is my fresh start.
Tuesday rolls in and the day goes well. In fact, I don’t even have time to eat lunch, so I’m pretty much nulling the previous day’s damage, right? I get home and dinner time arrives. Pasta with a creamy pesto sauce. I can handle that. I’ll have a small portion and call it good. And then maybe one more slightly bigger portion, and that’s really it. Well, I’ve pretty much crossed the line, so I might as well have one more monstrous helping. And I see you chocolate chip cookies, setting there, waiting for me to dunk and eat you. Your time will come.
And it does, around 9:45 pm. Bulge 2, Me 0.
That’s okay. I can recover. Today is yet another day. Sure, it’s Taco Bell Wednesday, but I can order some light items and stay within the bounds I have set. That is, until I show up for work and discover someone has left an entire box of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the free food zone!! Curse you, curse you all!! It had to be Reese’s, didn’t it. My favorite candy bar. No, we couldn’t leave a box of those gosh-awful Mars bars, or even Almond Joy or Mounds?? No. Because you don’t like those. It had to be Reese’s…
Bulge 3, Me 0.
At this point, I might as well scratch the rest of the week and just wait for next Monday to roll around. I have a problem. That’s step 1.
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I’m glad you don’t see Taco Bell Wednesday as a negative in your “battle of the bulge”. I need that drive to TB and back to stay sane!
Let me know if I can be of assistance. To help your SPIES and such.
Mitchell, I am so glad you finally started blogging again. I was forced to just watch soaps and eat bon bons all day long the last few months. Luckily, now I can add checking in on your blog to my “to do” list. Let me give you my take on the whole diet and excercise thing. I do the same thing every weekend, but now I have decided that as long as I workout, I should be able to eat whatever I want because at least I’m burning some of it off, right? Also, if you start excercising, you will be hungrier, so I would excercise for a few weeks and then slowly start eating right. Otherwise it will never work. Hope this advice helps. Good luck. Oh and one more thing…I think you are beautiful just the way you are. (although I haven’ t seen you in like a year, but I imagine you look as hot as ever!)
Well, I’m glad to finally be back in the saddle. I’m even gladder that you decided to visit and leave a comment. Thank you for the advice. So it sounds like I will eventually have to exercise?? Did I understand that correctly? Yeah, you lost me at “start exerci-”. I was already worn out and reaching for another Ding Dong.
I’m glad you still find me beautiful and keep up that great imagination! It’s always nice to know that I have a fan in my number one favorite cousin. When are we gonna get together so I can kick some booty in ‘Scene It’??